Yo‘ldagi Nur

Anyone who has driven at night along a winding mountain road knows that the headlights light up only a few metres of the road, and that this is enough for hundreds of kilometres. You do not need to see the bend that will come in an hour. You need to see the one in front of you now.

This is how I understand light on the path. It is not a floodlight that would bathe the whole road, nor a lighthouse at its end: people steer by a lighthouse, but it also warns of rocks, and then it is something to beware of. For me the light is a small spark, a candle, just enough to take the next step. I never dreamed of the whole path being lit. Then it would not be interesting to walk.

“Qorong‘u tun ichida / Bir uchqun paydo bo‘ldi” - “In the dark night a spark appeared”. I wanted to leave the night around it: too bright a light would answer questions that a person has yet to live through. In my life such sparks appeared in the middle of ordinary things: a chance word, a musical phrase that did not yet sound like music. It could vanish for weeks and come back. But one day it was no longer possible to pretend I had heard nothing.

“Yuragim yo‘lga chiqdi. Isming meni chaqirdi” - “My heart set out on the road. Your Name called me”. For me there is a huge difference between deciding to go and being called. The decision belongs to me, while the call is a meeting. It cannot be summoned by an effort of will, just as you cannot order yourself to love.

In the Verse of Light there is the image of a lamp in a niche, enclosed in glass: “light upon light”. Ghazali devoted a whole book to this verse, “The Niche of Lights”. In every light - the light of the eye, of reason, of the prophets - he saw reflections of a single Source. And in another verse those who walk are promised “a light by which you will walk”. I hear in this promise not a ready map of the road, but light for the next step.

I do not say that I have seen that Light. I speak of a spark that does not spare me from having to choose and to answer for my choice, but does not let life shrink to a fear of the unknown.

“Ey nur, yo‘l boshla” - “O Light, lead the way”. It is still dark ahead, the distance has not disappeared. But I have already set out on the road, and I know that I am able to respond to what is calling.